TWIN LAKES GOLF RESORT MEMBERS SITE
Just For Fun
A web page for golf humour and interesting stories. Email me Contact and Add Content with stories, photographs etc. that you think are appropriate.
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These greens are so fast
I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. |
(Contributed by Glen Jolliffe)
(Contributed by Glen Jolliffe)
Dear Friends,
Many of you may
not know it but I have been very busy over the last 2 years putting my thoughts
and ideas together in a book. I am very proud of the results and to assist with
the marketing, I am asking friends and family to help me
out.
I have just finished my new book on golf
that I believe gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information
that I have gained through my years of experience. The cost is only $29.95 and
can be ordered by simply replying to this email with the appropriate credit card
info..
Don't
wait until they're all gone !!!!
Table of Contents:
Chapter 1 -
How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Nike
from the Rough When You Hit a Titleist from the Tee
Chapter 3 - How to
Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker
Chapter 4 - How to Get More
Distance Off the Shank
Chapter 5 - How to improve your lie during and
after the round
Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize
Earnings
Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap
Management
Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer
Before 9:00 a.m.
Chapter 9 - How to Rationalize a 6 Hour
Round
Chapter 10 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the
Water
Chapter 11 - Why Your Spouse Doesn't Care That You Birdied the
5th...
Chapter 12 - How to Let a Foursome Play Through Your
Twosome
Chapter 13 - How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three Off the
Tee
Chapter 14 - When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your
Opponent
Chapter 15 - God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three
Putt
Chapter 16 - When to Regrip Your Ball Retriever
Chapter 17 -
Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game?
Chapter 18 - Why Male Golfers Will
Pay $5.00 a Beer From The Cart Girl and Give Her a $3 Tip, But Will Balk at
$3.50 at the 19th Hole and Stiff the Bartender.......
You don't have to be a golfer to love this story!!
For the past few days, while I tried to enjoy one of the greatest golf tournaments in the world, all I was entertained with was the Tiger Woods show. As soon as one golfer would hit a tee shot or make a putt, it seemed that the next view would be that of Tiger Woods.
Tiger Woods just missing a putt that would have put him in contention with the other golfers.
Tiger Woods hooking his drive which showed how his time off had hurt his game.
Tiger Woods trying to "respect" the game.
How it seemed that the Tiger was able to put his past transgressions behind him and was able to concentrate on the job at hand. It just kept going on and on about Tiger this and Tiger that.
On the other hand, a little miracle was occurring at the Masters; one golfer just kept smiling.
He smiled if he made a good drive, or if he made a bad drive.
He smiled if he made a 50 foot putt or missed a 5 foot putt.
As he walked between holes, he smiled and shook hands with the crowd.
He never cursed a bad stoke or blamed another person for a miss.
All he did was smile.
Why would Phil Mickelson be smiling?
Here was a man whose wife has breast cancer.
Here was a man whose mother has breast cancer. Here is a man who rather than allow his wife and mother to fight this battle by themselves.
He took time off from the PGA tour to be with them.
Here was a man that returned to the game he loved when his wife ordered him to.
Here was man, who was so glad for the miracle that was happening as his wife moved closer to a cure.
He rewarded her oncologist by allowing him to be his guest caddy at last week's golf tournament.
This move, which could have cost Mickelson thousands of dollars in purse money.
It was his gift to a man he knew he could never thank enough for what he had given to him.
During the last round today, Phil's wife was staying in their hotel room since she was still weak from the chemo treatments she is receiving.
Phil did not know as he walked up to the 18th tee that his wife would be there.
All Phil did was smile.
He smiled to the crowds, he smiled to the TV audience, he smiled to God.
After his last putt found the bottom of the hole, he hugged his caddy and others and walked to the scorer's shack.
He then gave the biggest smile of the whole four days.
He saw his wife, and even in the midst of thousands of people, it seemed that only two where there.
Tomorrow I am going to smile.
I am going to smile if it is nice weather or bad.
I am going to smile at the driver who honks his horn at me, or the driver who cuts me off.
I am going to smile if I get the order or not.
And when the day is done, I am going to save my biggest smile for the person who makes me complete.
Then I am going to look to the heavens and give thanks for being able to smile.
Thanks Phil! And keep on smiling!
(Contributed by Ron English.)
The Scottish Golfer
An 80-year-old Scotsman goes to the doctor for a check-up.
The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'How
do you stay in such great physical condition?'
I'm Scottish and I am a golfer,' says the old guy, 'and that's why I'm
in such good shape.
I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways.
I have a wee glass of whisky, and all is well.'
'Well,' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be
more to it.
How old was your Dad when he died?'
'Who said my Dad's dead?'
The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your Dad's
still alive. How old is he?'
'He's 100 years old,' says the old Scottish golfer. 'In fact he golfed
wi' me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk
and had anither wee dram and that's why he's still alive. He's
Scottish and he's a golfer, too.'
'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to
it than that. How about your Dad's dad? How old was he when he died?'
'Who said my granddad's dead?'
Stunned, the doctor asks, 'You mean you're 80 years old and your
grandfather's still living! Incredible, how old is he?'
'He's 118 years old,' says the old Scottish golfer.
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went
golfing with you this morning too?'
'No. Granddad couldnae go this mornin' because he's getting married
today.'
At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married??
Why would a 118 year- old guy want to get married?'
'Who said he wanted to?'
(Contributed by Dan Dimich.)
Do not let this happen to you long ball hitters!!! Click on the golfer or Link to YouTube
(Contributed by Cliff Chapman)
(Contributed by Kate Swanson.)
"Be very careful out there!" It's called a "Teddy bear cactus. Cute, eh?
(Contributed by Bob Cartwright.)
"Golf is truly happiness". Moe Norman, a Canadian golf legend and arguably the best ball striker the game has seen. However, he was like John Daly (except he drank Coca Cola) and didn't do or act like the PGA wanted him to. Click on the image to open a new window and view the video by clicking on the small triangle.
(Contributed by Dan Dimich.)
I guess the problem for us members at Twin Lakes is that we started golfing too late in life. Watch this video that was aired on KOMO TV recently. No! - it's not about Tiger Woods. Click on the image and a new window will open where you can view the video by clicking on the triangle with a circle around it.
(Contributed by Bob Cartwright.)
The caves of Matala, Crete, February 1969 at the request of Larry. Joni Mitchell and Cat Stevens didn't arrive untill 1970 where she composed her song "Carey". The "Mermaid" cafe in the song (acutally named the Dolphini Cafe) is hidden in the trees adjacent to the building on the extreme right of the first photo. Second photo shows the caves on the cliff side. The caves are man made and have been occupied on and off for thousands of years - most recently in the 1960's and 1970's by travelling youth from around the world - yes, I was one of them. It was the 60's after all!
Village of Matala, Crete and man made caves.
A couple of cave dwellers cooking beans in 1969.
The laws of golf
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.
LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?
LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).
LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."
LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.
LAW 21: My favorite. In golf, there is no such thing as a lucky shot. Only skill or bad luck are involved. For instance when your ball deflects off a tree , bounces off a rock, rolls on to the green and hits the pin but doesn't drop in the hole..... A very skillful shot defeated by bad luck.
Wouldn't this make a great par three using the third or seventh greens at Twin Lakes?
(contributed by Dan Dimich)
Forget pitch and putt - this tee-off point on top of a 1,410 ft. mountain in South Africa is the hardest golf shot in the world, and more than $1 million awaits the player who can score a hole in one.
Players must take a helicopter to the top to play the longest and highest par three on the planet.
Taking the shot also requires courage. A player needs to teeter terrifyingly close to the edge of the mammoth hillside.
Indeed, the Extreme 19th Hole is so high the ball takes almost 30 seconds to reach the ground.
Channel Nine cricket commentator Mark Nicholas recently joined an elite list to have the shot in just three swings. "It was awesome, riveting and phenomenal," he said, "it's like the end of the world when you get up there and it's an awful lot of fun. It's such an adrenaline rush taking the helicopter up and then rushing back down."
The hole is based at the Legends Golf and Safari Resort, within the Entabeni Safari Conservancy in South Africa 's Northeastern Limpopo Province . The other 18 holes were designed by world golfing legends including Trevor Immelman, Sergio Garcia, Padraig Harrington and Australia 's Robert Allenby.
A round of golf - including a buggy and lunch - will set you back R450 ($70).
The Extreme 19th cost is $1060 per four ball, that includes helicopter ride, souvenir cap, glove, and a DVD of you playing the hole.
So far, no one has even come close to pocketing the million-dollar prize, but Harrington became the first golfer to conquer the hole within par.
Harrington said, "This is the type of innovation and excitement we need to get more people playing golf. There aren't many new innovative ways to play the game but this is certainly one of the best. I think this hole is awesome. I love the whole experience, the helicopter, the views, the drama and having the green the shape of Africa . And now I've got bragging rights over all the other professionals who have played this hole and not managed to make a three. I love everything about it."
